Thursday, 20 January 2005

A new (and better) way of dealing with health issues

Posted by speedygeoff on Thursday, January 20, 2005 with 3 comments
As I plan to post a whole lot of helpful hints on this site, I thought I had better get some unhelpful hints out of the way first, see below. Thanks to Maria for sending them to me! Hey, anything you would like as a post rather than a comment you could email to me (for now).

Team Moore's chocolate frog awards for last week went to Gaby for her maiden 5000 metre run at the track in very hot conditions, and to Ewen for getting this website started. Read the comments attached to the last posting if you want to know the fate of Ewen's prize. Yum yum hey Ruth? Which brings me to -

A new (and better) way of dealing with health issues.

Q1: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A1: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q2: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A2: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q3: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A3: Not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of vegetables. Bottoms up!

Q4: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A4: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q5: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A5: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain ...Good!

Q6: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A6: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q7: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A7: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q8: Is chocolate bad for me?
A8: Are you crazy? HELLO ....... Cocoa beans ... another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q9: Is swimming good for your figure?
A9: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q10: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A10: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.


  1. A few more helpful hints from Jodie and Brad!

    Q - Is finishing in the fastest time really that important?
    A - Absolutely not. It's the journey that's important, going too fast simply means you have less time to enjoy!

    Q - Will increasing my intake of fatty foods and oils help with joint pain?
    A - Well hell the old door doesn't squeak any more does it, that has to count for something!

    Q - Why are they called fun runs, when really they're not!
    A - We don't know either. In fact the City to Surf should probably be re-named the "I can hardly walk now, it's only the wine at Bondi that keeps me going"

    Q - Is becoming a grandparent really that bad, and will it effect my times?
    A - Well it does mean being able to use a 3 wheeled jogger pram!!!!! And pushing the extra weight is sure to add some resistance to training.

  2. I attended a few monday nights at Lyneham and then the 1st night I miss a really BIG group AND a photo on the webb. I'm hurt. PS When is the next photo going to be taken?

  3. Is this Chris? Can't think of anyone else who had been for the last few weeks then missed one. Of course the photo will be replaced. We decided to have all the ugly people in the first photo, and as soon as you turn up at training, we will take one to replace it, with all the good looking people this time.
    Don't worry, we will get other photos and action shots into the posts in due course. In fact if people send me their favourite photo of themselves I will see what I can do.