My version of "The Nips Are Getting Bigger"

Song of the week: "The Nips Are Getting Bigger" by Mental As Anything
An excellent live performance version, from https://youtu.be/jE1vYhU0DnE
I actually saw them live in Canberra in the 1970s, they were in fact brilliant.



Here is my version of the lyrics.
Started out, just running track
I didn't know how or why
Or what I was doing there

Just a couple more laps
Made me feel a little fitter
Believe me when I tell you
I was nothing like a sprinter

I run right out the door
I take a good look at my Garmin
No pain, nothing
I'd better start running harder

Back in a flash
Then I start on a tilt at the marathon
Many slow miles
Training on my own

Woh-hoh-oh, the hills are getting bigger
Woh yeah, the hills are getting bigger
Wo-hoh-oh, the hills are getting bigger
Yeah, mmm they're getting bigger

Sometimes I wonder
What all these kilometers
Are doing to my legs
Doesn't worry me enough
To stop me from doing them again

Wiping out muscle cells
By the millions but I don't care
I still finish off each run
With almost nothing left to spare

Woh-hoh-oh, the hills are getting bigger
Woh, yeah, the hills are getting bigger
Wo-hoh-oh, the hills are getting bigger
Yeah, they're getting bigger

What rhyhmes with spaghetti?

You might race the many animals across the Serengeti
You might run through any jungle, clearing paths with a machete,
You might speed along the aisle and avoid all the confetti
Or go trekking in Nepal and overtake a trundling yeti.
You could join the speedygeese and try to match Marie Fischetti
When we start from Parly House and turn around at Yarra Jetty,
Every effort of this kind will make you thirsty hot and sweaty
So persist with constant training and keep eating your spaghetti.
And in time you may succeed and be as quick as Moneghetti.
I swear I did not type this on an ageing Olivetti.

...and here's the lovely Marie herself...

clancy@theoverflow

Disclaimer: I did not write this, I sourced it from elsewhere.
But I had "Clancy of the Overflow" on my "To Parody" list.
It's now crossed off.
Geoff.

I had written him a text
Which I'd sent, hoping the next
Time he came in mobile coverage
He'd have time to say hello.
But I'd heard he'd lost his iPhone,
So I emailed him from my phone,
Just addressed, on spec, as follows:
clancy@theoverflow

And the answer redirected
Wasn't quite what I'd expected
And it wasn't from the shearing mate
Who'd answered once before.
His ISP provider wrote it
And verbatim I will quote it:
'This account has been suspended:
You won't hear from him no more.'

In my wild erratic fancy
Visions come to me of Clancy:
Out of reach of mobile coverage
Where the Western rivers flow.
Instead of tapping on the small screen,
He'd be camping by the tall green
River gums a pleasure
That the town folk never know.

Well, the bush has friends to meet him
But the rest of us can't greet him:
Out there, even Telstra's network
Doesn't give you any bars.
He can't blog the vision splendid
Of the sunlit plains extended
Or tweet the wondrous glory
Of the everlasting stars.

I am sitting at the keyboard
And I'm too stressed out to be bored
As I answer all the emails
By the deadlines they contain
While my screen fills with promotions
For 'V1aggra' and strange potions
And announcements of the million-dollar
Prizes I can claim.

But the looming deadlines haunt me
And their harrying senders taunt me
That they need response this evening
For tomorrow is too late!
But their texts, too quickly ended,
Often can't be comprehended
For their writers have no time to think
They have no time to wait.

And I sometimes rather fancy
That I'd like to trade with Clancy:
Just set up an email bouncer
Saying 'Sorry, had to go.'
While he faced in an inbox jamming
Up with deadlines and with spamming
As he signed off every message:
clancy@theoverflow

"Are You Lonesome Tonight" Parody

To be sung slowly, with a deep voice, and a large belly.

Did it rain overnight?
Will the trails be alright?
I just entered this race as a lark

And will Steve take a fall
If there’s no rain at all
Like he did when he ran in the dark?

Are you sorry you came, do you feel some remorse?
Do you hope that John Harding will alter the course?

Are your legs filled with pain,
Should you run this again?
Tell me dear, did it rain, overnight?

Thank you very much

Sting "Every Breath You Take" parody

Sting had a popular tune you all know, "Every Breath You Take", which started off with
Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take
I'll be watching you

Every single day
Every word you say
Every game you play
Every night you stay
I'll be watching you



Here's my version
Coaching by the lake
Every step you take
Andrew Dave or Mick
As along you kick
I'll be watching you

Every single day
Even when away
Suzie, Sarah-Jayne
I still know your name
I'll be watching you

When I follow you
Could be stalking too
Susan, Abi, Kelle
I know your back so well

Even in a race
I will watch your pace
As you smile and break
Every noise you make
I am watching you

Once you’re gone you move on to win this race
I look around and it’s certain I won’t place
I dream of gold but it’s you who owns that space
I feel alright when I hang in for the chase
I keep going watching chasing still

Every move you make
Every time you break
When you cross the line
I will know your time
I'll be watching you

And on Facebook too
Everything you do
I will follow you

Bohemian Rhapsody parody

Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Three different sports,
To escape from reality.

Open your eyes,
Look up realise and see,
I'm not a swimmer, I need your sympathy,
Because I’m trying hard, swimming slow,
Flailing like, I don’t know
Anyway the water flows hasn’t ever mattered to me, to me.

Mama, just hit the wall,
Went too fast in my long run.
Who said training hard was fun,
Mama, pain had just begun,
And now I've gone and slowed down all the way.

Mama, ooh,
Didn't mean to sit and cry,
I'm going home, will try again tomorrow,
Carry on, carry on as if fitness really matters.

Too late, the time has come,
Done my training I’ll be fine,
Body's on the starting line.
Goodbye, everybody, and off we go,
Gotta leave you all behind and win this race.

Mama, ooh (quicker than the wind blows),
I am gonna fly,
I sometimes wish I'd never seen tri’s at all.

I am a shaky little cyclist of a man,
Oil the chain, fix the seat, did you see all that rain fall?
Thunderbolts and lightning,
Very, very frightening, whee!
(First transition) First transition.
(Very scary) Very scary,
Butter fingers here we go
Magnifico!

I'm a triathlete, I want them to love me.
I'm a triathlete, I don’t have a family.
I get up at 4 and I go for a run.

Here I come, there I go
Quicker than the wind blows
Avanti! No, we will not let you go. (Let him go!)
Nike Free! We will not let you go. (Let him go!)
Saucony! Look I can really go. (Let me go!)
Getting faster bro. (Let me go!)
Never ever stop me no
Never will be slow, oh
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Oh, mama, papa, baby sister, baby brother, see me go
Wiggle salesmen have a cycle put aside for me, for me, for me.

So you think you might pass me and wave me goodbye?
So you think you can love me and leave me to die?
Oh, baby, can't do this to me, baby,
Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here.

Fitness really matters,
Anyone can see,
Outdoors really matters,
Climate really matters, to me.

Quicker than the wind blows.

"Strawberry Fields Forever" parody

Let me run around ‘cause I’m going to
Athletic Fields
Compression socks
Spikes which are a little long
Athletic Fields Forever

Jogging is easy with eyes closed
Been running faster all my life
It’s getting hard to set the pace in a fast work out
A rabbit gets in so much strife

Let me run some more ‘cause I’m going to
Athletic Fields
Masters Games nears
Gold medals reward months of pain
Athletic Fields Forever

Nothing I think is ever free
I mean a Garmin’s price ‘aint low
Food, drink, and shoes you know cost more but it’s alright
And doctors’ bills are not too bad

Let me run each day ‘cause I’m getting fit
Athletic Fields
Six months of the year
I’m hoping this year’s niggle free
Athletic Fields Forever

Maria Rod Kathy and Helen too
Even CJ’s catching on
Round and round and round and round and round we go
Wear earphones and sing a song

Let me tune back in to the best music
Strawberry Fields
Track is unreal
Dawdle or just hang about
Athletic Fields Forever
Athletic Fields Forever
Athletic Fields Forever

The original at http://youtu.be/nehRB1FTeTo

"When I'm 64" parody

"Heart rate 64"

Now that I’m older, losing my hair
Slower all the time
Ruth will still be sending me a card on my
Birthday with a bottle of wine
I can still run for 2 hours or 3
Sometimes even 4
Miranda runs with me, Andy stays by me
Heart rate 64.

Ewen’s older too
And if you just run slow
I could stay with you

Checking my smartphone, reading the news
Am I still alive
Jen can make our singlets by her fireside
Monday evenings join us outside
Forget the garden let there be weeds
They can grow some more
Peter runs past me, Colin speeds by me
Heart rate 64

Every winter we can fix a lantern on our hats or heads
If it’s not too cold
We shall jog along
Grandchildren racing past
Isaac Brett and Dom

Send me a postcard, when you’re away
For the speedygeese
Mick and Chris and Bron and Dave and Rod and Rae
Too much food not wasting away
Warrick is quite fit Garry quite fast
Bronwyn so much more
Marilyn runs well Caroline keeps up
Heart rate 64

Haven’t a care not stuck in a chair
Til I’m 94

"Garmins"

Today I felt like being creative:

"Garmins"
Lately I've found
When I start to run around
Just to cover lots of ground
It's as dark as can be
At nighttime I leave
For a place I can't yet see
It's occurring now to me
I'm not as fit as I should be

We never used to run on our own
But now that we are getting old
Our weight is building up much more
We should find ourselves on the road

On we trot
With a running song
We will light our way
With our garmins on
On we trot
Till we meet the dawn
We will light our way
With our garmins on

Based on "Lanterns": http://youtu.be/mbJ3vacGOhw. This and other blatant rip-offs can be or will be found via the category "the muse": http://geoffmoore.blogspot.com.au/search/label/the%20muse.

the muse

More than five years have passed since I waxed lyrical - whatever that really means - and "composed" three poems in anticipation of running in the 2007 Canberra Marathon. Seriously I have not been able to invoke the muse since. Writing poetry isn't on my bucket list, however I think I might attempt to reawaken that muse, shortly. There will be October advance posts. I can launch these intended poems the week I am away. Which means I can write them now and publish with October dates. Failing that, there are cats.

Here then is a repeat of my one and only previous attempt. Note that Snow Patrol not only had a song "Chasing Cars", but another on the same album "Eyes Open", titled "The Finish Line". My little in-joke. The other sources are "The 59th Street Bridge Song" by Paul Simon,  (a.k.a. "Feelin' Groovy") and a song about children releasing balloons which triggers a nuclear war which was inspired by Balloons Aloft conducting flights with big scary noisy balloons while the marathon is in progress. It's feet firmly planted on the ground for me! And the irony is I'm running 42k. Gosh, that's reading a lot into a few words! If the muse re-awakens, I shall leave similar thoughts unspoken for another five years.

May the muse be with you!

chasing lead cars:
I'll run it all
Every K
On my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would someone just pick me up
Take me to the finish line

The forty second kilometre song:
Slow down
Don't move too fast
You got to make this marathon last.
Kicking down the dusty roads
Looking for gel, and feelin' hungry

99 Luftballons:
Aloft in the April sky
99 balloons go by

Meanwhile at Ginninderra Parkrun #22 today there weren't quite 99 runners, but the record of 91 was equalled. A good turnout on a sunny morning. Speedygeese who ran were:
10 Andrew SIMPSON 19:55 New Parkrun PB!
14 Sarah MILLER 20:17 First Timer
17 Abigail FARGHER 20:43 First Timer
21 Joel PEARSON 21:01 New PB!
31 Lucia PIETROPAOLI 22:54 New PB!
59 Yelena PEARSON 26:47 New PB!

Impressive.